It all started out on Tuesday November 18th, 2014, when I was running for the first day back from a two-week break after the horrifically ended cross country season. My right iliotibial band decided to flare up in pain and after 8 months of little to no running, and about 15 methods/attempts of rehabilitation, I’ve made a whopping 0% recovery towards running full tilt again.
These past 8 months have been extremely frustrating because something that I love tremendously has been taken away from me for a reason I can’t fathom. In addition, the constant pondering on if it’s better or not, and the anger resulting after every failed attempt have generally turned me into something I never thought I’d be. I’ve turned from someone who brings light into the room, into someone who sucks it out and leaves it in darkness. Before coming to this realization, I felt worse that being stuck in tunnel with no light at the end, atleast they can walk towards the end of it. I felt as if I was dropped in 30 000 ft deep dark well without any ladder to bring me up into the light, absolutely no hope.
I’ve changed my outlook this injury and have realized that running is not what defines me, as I’ve been told by friends and family time after time. It’s a big part of me, but it isn’t me, and realistically, 99% of the people you become close to in life won’t give a darn about whether your 3k PB is 8:57, or 9:57, they give a darn about your character, and how you look at the world.
Trying to come baack over and over again and getting denied repeatedly has taken such a mental toll on me that decided to give up on the strength, stretching and foam rolling mumbo jumbo and just let it heal on it’s own bidding rather than me banking on it being better tomorrow or next month ect.
In doing this you can learn to see the joy in other things in life such as family, friends, biking long distances and Phil Collins. I could also be speeding up the healing since so many people say that being in a happy mindset helps recovery… who knows? Crazier things have happened right?
I find my situation comparable to Tom Hanks in Castaway. Right after being stranded he was at the end of the beach waiting for rescue as I was trying to run every week in hopes of being better. Neither of us benefitted. When Mr Hanks realized that this was getting him nowhere and he decided to make due with what he had, by spending his time doing things that would actually benefit him such as building shelter, learning how to fish, and becoming BFF”s with that volleyball, Wilson.
Although my situation is not life or death, it is similar because I’ve realized that the time I’ve spent trying to get better has been a complete waste of time since I’ve had no success with it AT ALL. So I’ve started spending my time doing things I enjoy without worrying about this stupid IT band. In summary I’m not giving up on running, but I’m not going to put my life on hold and try to get better, because it’s just not practical anymore.
I don’t blog so this is probably my first and last post, but I just felt like venting.